Tag Archives: Crown Heights

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

me meme

Every Sunday, I spend some time watching football, I also can’t focus, don’t like spending too much time in one place, and don’t like football that much. Last night was the Superbowl.

Here are the thoughts I collected:


    • It came out this week on people.com that Bruce Jenner is transitioning into a woman. When I was younger, dumber, and listening to Adam Carolla I think I would’ve had negative things to say about this, but recently I was listening to the Cracked Podcast about quantum physics as well as the new Invisibilia podcast entitled ‘Entanglement’.
      • The Cracked Podcast said something about how time travel and teleportation are possible at a quantum level. Meaning, apparently scientists have successfully moved an atom from one side of a wall to another.
      • The Invisibilia Podcast explained that with lasers, I think, scientists are able to turn two completely different atoms into the same atom. Meaning that whatever you do to one atom would simultaneously happen to the other. In addition to that, there is evidence that suggests that even our emotions are matter and that people that surround you can effect your emotions. We are essentially a collections of atoms that undulate and vacillate through time and space.
      • My conclusion is with this new information, I now believe that there are little to no rules that one can hold true absolutely other than negativity begets more negativity. Therefore, Bruce should do whatever makes him happy and I can’t wait to hear his new name, I hope it’s better than Chaz.
    • We started the day by going to Glady’s in the new, softer Crown Heights. I’m dying to know if the owner’s name is really Glady or if they don’t understand possessive apostrophies. Food’s good though.
    • From there we went to Woodwork. Brandi watched the some sort of Puppy related show on Animal Planet, I watched the Knicks. The music was horrible. They played ‘What a Fool Believes’ and ‘Horse With No Name’. When will Brooklyn bars understand that all people really want to hear is 90’s hip hop or whatever I’ve been hearing in spin class. Yeah, that’s what I said.
    • This is what Walt Frazier looks like. People listen to him.IMG_0219
    • This is what Larry Johnson looks like now.


      Larry’s wardrobe provided by Louis Farrakhan

    • I’ve never actually fully listened to the lyrics of ‘Horse With No Name’, but why wouldn’t the asshole just name the horse? What else was he doing? Also, why would anyone play that song when people are attempting to have fun?
    • If you work for Animal Planet, what do you tell people you do, make Internet videos that last a half hour?
    • Robert Krulwich from Radiolab said he watches football for the ads. I think he meant the Superbowl, but if he didn’t I might have to stop listening to him.
    • We decided to head home for the game, watching it quietly and serenely with a blanket over our legs because we’re cool and popular.
    • How many more years will we consider ACDC a marker of cool? I’d like an end date for that if someone has some down time.
    • The Seahawks ran out of the tunnel to ‘Bittersweet Symphony’. Was that supposed to be ironic?



    • John Legend is musical Ambien. I very much dislike all his curves and all his edges.
    • Couldn’t Ms. Dazeem just have sung ‘Let It Go’? I feel like that would’ve been shorter and more fun for everyone involved.

    • Brandi is rooting for Seattle “mostly because they have the coolest uniforms in the NFL”. I concur, but also Fuck Boston.
    • Kate Upton’s boobs do not make me want to investigate what Game of War is.

    • You got me Katie.
    • Why was Steve Buscemi in that Snickers Commercial? I kept waiting for them to describe him in a negative way that a Snickers could cure and I was hoping that that description would be “funny looking”.

    • If you didn’t yell “da da da da!” after that Budweiser commercial I’m not sure I want to be your friend.

    • Is the Superbowl when people over 40 see all the movie trailers I saw the day they came out?
    • Looks like AD is really embracing the antihero. Right? Right? Come on! #controversy

    • If there’s a person out there who said, “finally, Lenny Kravitz”, I would like their wages garnished and I would like that money to go the education of our nation’s children so that things that stupid will never be uttered again.
    • Best Half Time Show since Beyonce.
    • I really hope they finish this stupid game by the time Girls comes on. I don’t want to be the guy that missed the end of the Super Bowl in order to watch Girls.
    • So they’re really not going to show us why that guy got penalized, huh? I saw him pretend to pull his pants down, I’m just curious about the rest.
    • It’s Ok everybody, Girls isn’t on tonight. Now I just want the game to end so I can watch Shameless.
    • Well, at least I get to watch Shameless. Enjoy your week everybody.

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

me meme

Every Sunday, I spend some time watching football. I also can’t focus, don’t like spending too much time in one place, and don’t like football that much.

Here are the thoughts I collected:

– On Sunday, Brandi and I met up with my friend Andy for the cliché of all clichés, the Brooklyn Bottomless Brunch. I packed my ridiculous beard, hopped into a pair of joggers, and sashayed my way into yuppiehood. The place was called Piquant and we love it.

– I asked my friend Andy, “what time do the Jets lose today?” He replied, “tomorrow.” I realized that the only way I could be less engaged in this season of football is if it was based in Space or starred Scarlett Johansson (I really hate those two things. Although, that’s not really fair, I don’t actually hate Scarlett Johansson, it’s not as if I know her to be a bad human being or she negatively impacts my life in any way, I just find some of her performances to be a little wooden and detached, also, I didn’t care for her portrayal of an Italian woman in Don Jon, but I realize how overly sensitive that is and how if I’m actually offended there’s a good chance that it has more to do with my own small mindedness and insecurity than her worth as an actress or person, and I did still like Avengers and Captain America: Winter Soldier, so who am I really mad at. With all that said I really do HATE SPACE. PLEASE STOPE MAKING MOVIES ABOUT SPACE.

– After about 3 sangrias we started doing some would you rathers. Andy chose to watch 24 hours of NFL Sunday Countdown with 5-minute breaks at the top of every hour over holocaust footage with the same parameters. I disagreed with this choice.

– He also chose to watch the entire season of Gotham and a season of Doctor Who of his choosing in one week over the corresponding amount of NFL Sunday Countdown. I agreed with this choice although I would rather lightly burn like my leg or something than do either.

– We went to the new Brooklyn Flea in Prospect Heights (sometimes called Crown Heights depending on who you’re talking to). This is the new Williamsburg.

– Prospect Heights (remember that thing I said about Crown Heights, use that here too) has become a Kanye West Concert.

–  Kanye West Con·cert

/‘känyā west ‘känˌsərt/
a place or activity that Jay enjoys, but is filled with people that bother him because they reflect a part of Jay that fills him with shame and also makes him feel inferior, usually trendy or hip

“the 90’s party at the German Beer Hall in Brooklyn was a total Kanye West Concert”

synonyms: 90’s Party, Karaoke Night, Brooklyn Nets Game, Hipster Coffee Joint in Bed Stuy, Open Mic Night, Tour in a Foreign Country


– I saw a pair of gloves at the Flea Market that I really wanted because they were like lobster gloves and would be perfect for riding my bike in the winter. After further investigation, I learned that they were actually vintage French Army gloves which means the design was made to enable someone to ådangerous leap from yuppie to hipster.alpha_leather_mitts

– On the way to our next bar we passed by the evil cat of 19th You can tell by the look on his face that he did not care for my wife’s crack about loving lasagna.IMG_4657

– We headed to Sunday staple, Greenwood. There were two football games on and the bartender said that he couldn’t turn any of the TV’s to the Nets’ game until one of the football games ended. I enjoy this blog, but this sport has to end. It’s basketball’s time now.IMG_4658

– Did you know Skeletor’s hocking Hondas now? Booooooooo

– I wish we as a people could stop supporting the Rolling Stones.

– Football’s over! Let’s go Nets! Let’s go Nets!

– Brooke Lopez is a mopey bitch. (statement not valid if I ever meet Mr. Lopez in person)brook-lopez-looking-sad-01b0bb5978f7952a_large

– Joakim Noah is my favorite not New York athlete since Albert Belle (this is not sarcastic, I love them both)

– Well the Nets lost, the Jets didn’t play, I’ve given up on Homeland, and I have to wait until tomorrow to watch The Newsroom so I guess I’m ready for the long, awesome weekend to be over.