Tag Archives: Football

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

me meme

Every Sunday, I spend some time watching football. I also, can’t focus, don’t like spending too much time at one place, and don’t like football that much.

Here are the thoughts I collected:

– We started the day by checking out the inspirational marathoners. BTW it was New York Marathon Day.


– My wife and I then made our way to Long Island City to a Marathon Party. Is there a better way to celebrate pushing the physical limits of the human body than drinking before noon?

– Drinking alcohol in coffee containers is a popular theme of mine.


– That’s a bloody mary. (someone is clearly drinking a bloody mary behind me.

– Let’s do a little marathon humor, shall we?

– The following runners were listening to podcasts while attempting to accomplish one of the most difficult things a human can do.

Never Not Funny

Never Not Funny

Uhh Yeah Dude

Uhh Yeah Dude

Taylor Swift's New Album (Which is awesome by the way)

Taylor Swift’s New Album (Which is awesome by the way)

Who Charted

Who Charted

Hollywood Prospectus

Hollywood Prospectus

This American Life

This American Life

How Was Your Week with Julie Klausner

How Was Your Week with Julie Klausner



– Dunkin Donuts decided to sponsor many of the runners by giving them free pink and orange hats, which led to me yelling into a bullhorn, “America Runs on (whatever name was written on their shirt)” Brava, marketing department. I love your milk-filled coffee.IMG_4509IMG_7669 IMG_7670 IMG_7672 IMG_7673 IMG_7674 IMG_7675 IMG_7676

– There was a grunge band playing grunge hits. The highlight of their set was the grunge version of “I Kissed a Girl”IMG_7722 IMG_7726

– Which made me do this:IMG_7729 IMG_7727

– We then made our way into Greenpoint, where we drank more and proceeded to watch the J-E-T-S, JETS! JETS! JETS! S-U-C-K, SUCK! SUCK! SUCK!

– Rooting for Michael Vick makes me more conflicted than drone strikes. That means I’m stupid, right?

– We then headed to Williamsburg for Perogies. I cannot pronounce the name of the bar and I won’t try. For the record, it was Dziupla, are you happy?

– One of the greatest aspirations that I have in my life is being cool enough to flip my brim up.wesley snipe

– When I was watching the marathon, I think I saw a guy with a poopie in his pantalones.

– I saw someone try to crunch a beer on their head. He was not successful and his yelps of pain while I laughed loudly will stand as a high water mark in the history of my life.

– Another aspiration that I have is to someday say “check it” before I convey information and have someone intelligent take me seriously.

– I saw a commercial for the latest Paul Thomas Anderson movie. I think that it’s amazing that Joaquin Phoenix always plays someone new, different, distinctive, and real. I also think it’s amazing that I always find those people irritating.

– Before I leave you and watch, jeez, I guess Homeland, let me share with you a thought. Animals are awesome. Animal heads are awesome, I would prefer they were fake, but I’m not regimented on this belief. I believe that every animal head should be wearing a Yankees Jersey, sunglasses, or be in some other way adorned. They are there for our humor. This may be a white trash belief. However, it is a belief.

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– Enjoy your week.



I Kinda Did Some Stuff This Weekend

I Kinda Did Some Stuff This Weekend

me meme


Usually, I’m busy traveling around (mostly) Brooklyn looking for places to drink, eat and spend some time watching football. This weekend I got off my ass, biked way too far, and took a boat. 

Here are the thoughts I collected:

– Saturday was all about going to the Cloisters, which is not an STD, it’s a place in Manhattan and after having been there, that’s still about all I know.

– Our first stop was a Jamaican Food Truck where the woman tends to yell at us and she didn’t Jerk Chicken yet, but the Curried Chicken was awesome and my wife and I ate it standing up like good New Yorkers. I’m not sure that any culture on earth eats standing up more than New Yorkers.


– Once we were all charged up from Jamaican Food and Brooklyn Roaster’s Coffee like a couple of good yuppies it was time to hit the bike trail up to the Cloisters

– We’re on the Hudson River Greenway. Do you remember the scene in The Other Guys where they played the White Stripes and Mark Wahlberg slid across the office desk? Well, this is the building they were supposed to be in. Riveting shit, right?


– Speaking of riveting shit, here’s where they used to or maybe still do shoot some soap operas, I think General Hospital maybe (this is a real thought, boom).



– Here’s the George Washington Bridge. This bridge goes from Manhattan to New Jersey. Things about this bridge that are interesting:
1. This is the bridge that got Chris Christie in all that trouble.
2. This is the bridge that Edward Norton and Brian Cox pass in the 25th Hour so that you know they’re going upstate and not out west.
3. This is the bridge that that dude that got beat up by the biker gang should’ve taken instead of going into a neighborhood in order to get hurt.
4. This is the bridge that everyone should take in action movies. Everyone always takes the Brooklyn Bridge because it’s iconic, but hey idiot when you’re running from Zombies or enormous monsters, it’s probably best not to maroon yourself on another island, right idiot? Head west, first Jersey and then the world.

IMG_7527GWB Map



– This is the Cloisters. Yep.IMG_7537

– Ok, so some explanation, the Cloisters is a Museum-ish thing that look like an old fort or something and is filled with religious stuff and weird relics from around the world. Do you know what it really is? It’s a place that gives people around New York a reason to say,”why don’t we go there?”

– It’s real Game of ThronesyIMG_7538IMG_7539

– (Disclaimer: If you don’t like dumb jokes about religious statues and imagery, scroll past pictures of those things)

– The guy on the right is disappointed that all of his friends are missing faces.

– (poke)


– Does this picture need explanation? Nope, it’s just that stupid.


– Here’s variations on a theme: I’d like to call the first one “I’m walkin’ here” and the second one “givin’ a little to get a little”.IMG_7556IMG_7557


– This is where Kramer got the idea for putting the Japanese tourists in the bureau. Did I mention this was disrespectful? Because it is, very.IMG_7560

– This is a man, riding a donkey, riding a cart – your argument is invalid. Get it? Internetty stuff.IMG_7578

– This is just no how you should hold the baby Jesus. No head and neck support at all.IMG_7575

– A big thing about the Cloisters is their tapestries and I’m here to tell you that if you’re into tapestries, their tapestry game is tight. The first is a tapestry of a bunch of Peter Lorres reenacting some religious thing and below is what people in Asia think Lions look like (they don’t)IMG_7571 IMG_7586

– They also have a Unicorn Tapestry that they are particularly excited about and you can buy a whole lifestyle set commemorating the time you saw it. IMG_7591


– We stopped in Washington Heights for an arepa before we went home. 65495_10101621672976758_1379000988053884622_n

– Here’s a little inside info, if you bike 35 miles, your ass will hurt.

– Here’s a treat, on the way home we passed by the exterior for the show Night CourtIMG_7597 IMG_7603 IMG_7608Night_Court_title_screen

– You’re welcome.

– The next day we took the Circle Line Cruise to Bear Mountain for Octoberfest. In the picture below I’m holding a bloody mary before 9am because liquor on Sunday laws.



– This isn’t the most authentic Octoberfest I think. I only saw one couple wearing the German stuff and they were really old, but dammit if they weren’t drunk.

– I like things with sauerkraut, that and being emotionally closed off are my most German characteristics.

– When I was on line for beer I stood behind these yokels, four grown men wearing matching bike uniforms. Some of you may think this is ok, but let me remind you, none of them were Lance Armstrong so there is no reasonable explanation for this behavior.IMG_4496

– This is the George Washington Bridge again.IMG_4493

– This is me rediscovering my German side by way of Polka. Also, my wife said I could get two scoops of ice cream on my waffle.10478590_10101622928016648_6771915923239964000_n

– When we got back from Bear Mountain we did happen to run by our old neighborhood bar, Cherry Tree, for beer and pizza from South Brooklyn. Also, there was football.

– I root against Arizona in all things. I’m from Florida. Currently, Florida is the punchline and no one bothers with Arizona, that’s dumb. Look at the scoreboard:
– Water Sports: Advantage Florida
– Old People: Both
– Poverty: Both
– Drug Addiction: Arizona- Meth, Florida- Pills and Weed. Advantage Florida
– Senators Shot in the Head: Arizona 1, Florida 0. Advantage Florida
We can shift the Florida hate to Arizona hate. Come with me people. All we have to do is change blogger’s Google Alerts from Florida to Arizona. Be the change you want to see. Long story short, I hate the Cardinals.

– Rob Lowe is completely upsetting.

– I like when one team wears the throwback Jersey and the other team doesn’t play along. Right now the Steelers look like a bunch of sad Blind Melons and the Colts have no interest.

– I just heard someone say “I’m a big Steven Webber fan!” how much can someone possibly like Wings?

– When the beer is gone it’s time to watch the Series Finale of Boardwwalk. G’night.

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

me meme

Every Sunday, I spend some time watching football. I also, can’t focus, don’t like spending too much time at one place, and don’t like football that much.

Here are the thoughts I collected:

– Started the day by biking to Smorgasburg, the weekly gathering of people who consider themselves “foodies” and/or read Brooklyn Magazine. We are yuppies people, not hipsters. Hipsters aren’t married.

IMG_4381 IMG_4383

– I saw a guy riding his bike side saddle and I renewed my opinion that blonde men are the worst of us.

– The Bocce Balls at Pier 2 are free yall! For the non-italians in the room Bocce is Horse Shoes played with croquet balls, usually played by either yuppies in Brooklyn or old italian men near the grave.


– Made our first football/beer stop at consistent hangout, The Bridges. Finally, DUMBO has a respectable sports bar.

IMG_4388 IMG_4387

– When Johnny Football is not himself he is himself wearing aerobic clothes from the 80’s, not Roseanne or Joe Pesci. I prefer Pesci. Actually I prefer anyone but Johnny Football, he joins any of the Mannings, literally anybody on any football pre-game show, and Jared Allen as the people I dislike most in Football.

– Things I’d rather do than watch the latest Hobbit movie: 1. Join a community garden 2. Find out what ISIS is 3. Read the Great Gatsby 4. Watch Bones 5. Learn French. Things I would not rather do: Take up model building.

– This happened at The Bridges: someone asked me if I was watching the Jacksonville game to which I excitedly responded “noooo”. Then they just turned the TV off. Point made sir, point made.


– Am I right to hate Parks and Rec for telling Rob Lowe he’s funny? I hope so because I’m in the process of doing it. Treat Yo Self!

– Off to Bed Stuy for donuts.

– You may recognize this court from Jay-Z’s video for D.O.A. where he plays Lebron or not, I’m not really sure. They all sort of look alike, but I think this is the one on Jay St. and Sands.

IMG_4391 IMG_4392


– This is Steiner Studios where they made such classic films as My Super Ex Girlfriend, Mr. Popper’s Penguins, and Four Square (the fake working title for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles).




– This is where I’m going to live if I ever get drug kingpin money. The Koch Brothers want to dominate the world, I just want creative real estate.




– This is where I got married, you may also recognize it as an exterior in Gone Girl when Affleck interviews his wife’s ex. (spoilers I guess)




Dough Donuts, very good donuts.




– I give you, The Knick.




– Let’s play “Is It Racist” (Tosh.O Trademark sorry). This is a real hipster coffee place in Bed Stuy called Corner Grind. You decide.


IMG_4403 IMG_4404


– Fun tour of Bed Stuy, now to Woodwork for the Jets.




– Charlie Whitehurst has a ponytail. This just in, I hate Charlie Whitehurst.

Geno got hit so hard in his chest that his head decided it didn’t need a helmet.

– White people who like reggae, I don’t like. I guess I probably don’t like anybody who likes reggae. I guess what I’m trying to say is…legalize it.

– Geno’s getting hit more than a football players girlfriend. Just kidding, wouldn’t I be awful if I made that joke. Yes I would be awful.

– How do you tell which reggae song is a bad raggae song? Is it one that Bob Marley isn’t singing.

– What is the point of the bicep arm band? (googling) None!

– This first half Michael Vick is sitting on the sideline with an iPad. Do you think he’s playing angry birds and then minimizes it every time a coach walks by?

– Well, that was an awful half of football. There’s simply no point in sticking around for the second. The Jets just aren’t good at football. Maybe they’re voracious readers are something, but football doesn’t appear to be their strong suit.

– Time for Boardwalk and The Knick, goodnight.