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I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

me meme


Every Sunday, I spend some time watching football, I also can’t focus, don’t like spending too much time in one place, and don’t like football that much.

Here are the thoughts I collected:

With two days of Playoff Football I decided to do two days worth of Kinda Watching Football.


  • I gave up caffeine, I am not happy.
  • I went to see Inherent Vice, the latest film from Paul Thomas Anderson. I haven’t really enjoyed a Paul Thomas Anderson movie since Punch Drunk Love. I’m not sure who changed, him or me. I’m not sure if 20 year old me would love Inherent Vice or if 31 year old me would hate Punch Drunk Love if I saw it for the first time today.
  • My quick review is that it has one of those plots that is so complex that I don’t think you’re supposed to know who or what is going on. With that in mind, I think that if the plot doesn’t matter than the process should be really funny. Unfortunately, I found the jokes to be mostly NPR Funny, but this opinion might be largely influenced by my sleepiness, my headache, the speed with which people spoke about plot details that I didn’t understand, and the fact that I saw the film at the BAM Theater which I judge as the home of many NPR listening, indie rock listening, douchey Brooklynites who giggled smugly at things I didn’t think were funny. (I fully understand that I belong to the subculture I just described, but I think most of them don’t like me, and don’t watch It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, which is the funniest show on television. Also, they don’t like pop music, hip-hop, and the NBA, all of which I love. This is all speculative and judgmental, but you must understand I consider myself to be much more complex than most people despite the fact that there is very little evidence to support this claim.)
  • From there we went over to our favorite, Angry Wades, for bloody mary’s. I was much less angry after that.
  • The Cardinals were playing the Panthers. Did anyone else know that these teams were good?
  • I write a football blog.
  • John Gruden always looks like he’s giving up caffeine or he’s pooping. Either way, it’s not good.John Gruden
  • Who decided that our two greatest comedic actors capable of playing multiple roles were Rob Lowe and Flo? I’m going to consider it a conspiracy.
  • Why can’t we buy insurance from Eddie Murphy? I still wouldn’t, but at least that would make sense in my brain.


  • The first place we went was a new place called Boom Wich, I wasn’t sure if it would be complete bullshit or just a sandwich shop that played hip-hop. Luckily, it was the latter. Thanks Living Social!
  • Predictably, we went back to Angry Wades for bloody marys.
  • Apparently, no one gives a fuck about the Bengals and the Colts. Seriously, this is the first Sunday we could get a seat all season.IMG_0116
  • After that we went to Old Faithful, Greenwood Park.
  • Do you think the CBS Football crew have each other over for dinner or do you think they’re a bunch of catty bitches. I bet if they do have each other over for dinner they hate whomever Deion brings.
  • Howie Long is wearing a three-piece suit with sneakers. Fuck Howie Long.
  • I might want to move to Detroit. I have a pretentious and stupid dream of being a hipster pioneer who will buy incredibly cheap real estate and start a business for very little and be a part of a douche renaissance that more closely resembles the Brooklyn I saw in the movies I watched growing up.
  • I will never move to Detroit, but I am rooting for the Lions against the Cowboys.
  • I feel like whomever designed Kate Upton’s outfit in those lumberjack video game commercials is afraid we’ll forget she has boobs. We won’t forget.
  • Well, that’s about it. Sorry Detroit. Enjoy your week.

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

I Kinda Watched Football Yesterday

me meme

Every Sunday, I spend some time watching football. I also can’t focus, don’t like spending too much time in one place, and don’t like football that much.

Here are the thoughts I collected:

– On Sunday, Brandi and I met up with my friend Andy for the cliché of all clichés, the Brooklyn Bottomless Brunch. I packed my ridiculous beard, hopped into a pair of joggers, and sashayed my way into yuppiehood. The place was called Piquant and we love it.

– I asked my friend Andy, “what time do the Jets lose today?” He replied, “tomorrow.” I realized that the only way I could be less engaged in this season of football is if it was based in Space or starred Scarlett Johansson (I really hate those two things. Although, that’s not really fair, I don’t actually hate Scarlett Johansson, it’s not as if I know her to be a bad human being or she negatively impacts my life in any way, I just find some of her performances to be a little wooden and detached, also, I didn’t care for her portrayal of an Italian woman in Don Jon, but I realize how overly sensitive that is and how if I’m actually offended there’s a good chance that it has more to do with my own small mindedness and insecurity than her worth as an actress or person, and I did still like Avengers and Captain America: Winter Soldier, so who am I really mad at. With all that said I really do HATE SPACE. PLEASE STOPE MAKING MOVIES ABOUT SPACE.

– After about 3 sangrias we started doing some would you rathers. Andy chose to watch 24 hours of NFL Sunday Countdown with 5-minute breaks at the top of every hour over holocaust footage with the same parameters. I disagreed with this choice.

– He also chose to watch the entire season of Gotham and a season of Doctor Who of his choosing in one week over the corresponding amount of NFL Sunday Countdown. I agreed with this choice although I would rather lightly burn like my leg or something than do either.

– We went to the new Brooklyn Flea in Prospect Heights (sometimes called Crown Heights depending on who you’re talking to). This is the new Williamsburg.

– Prospect Heights (remember that thing I said about Crown Heights, use that here too) has become a Kanye West Concert.

–  Kanye West Con·cert

/‘känyā west ‘känˌsərt/
a place or activity that Jay enjoys, but is filled with people that bother him because they reflect a part of Jay that fills him with shame and also makes him feel inferior, usually trendy or hip

“the 90’s party at the German Beer Hall in Brooklyn was a total Kanye West Concert”

synonyms: 90’s Party, Karaoke Night, Brooklyn Nets Game, Hipster Coffee Joint in Bed Stuy, Open Mic Night, Tour in a Foreign Country


– I saw a pair of gloves at the Flea Market that I really wanted because they were like lobster gloves and would be perfect for riding my bike in the winter. After further investigation, I learned that they were actually vintage French Army gloves which means the design was made to enable someone to ådangerous leap from yuppie to hipster.alpha_leather_mitts

– On the way to our next bar we passed by the evil cat of 19th You can tell by the look on his face that he did not care for my wife’s crack about loving lasagna.IMG_4657

– We headed to Sunday staple, Greenwood. There were two football games on and the bartender said that he couldn’t turn any of the TV’s to the Nets’ game until one of the football games ended. I enjoy this blog, but this sport has to end. It’s basketball’s time now.IMG_4658

– Did you know Skeletor’s hocking Hondas now? Booooooooo

– I wish we as a people could stop supporting the Rolling Stones.

– Football’s over! Let’s go Nets! Let’s go Nets!

– Brooke Lopez is a mopey bitch. (statement not valid if I ever meet Mr. Lopez in person)brook-lopez-looking-sad-01b0bb5978f7952a_large

– Joakim Noah is my favorite not New York athlete since Albert Belle (this is not sarcastic, I love them both)

– Well the Nets lost, the Jets didn’t play, I’ve given up on Homeland, and I have to wait until tomorrow to watch The Newsroom so I guess I’m ready for the long, awesome weekend to be over.